Online Bonus! The Queen of Quaff Column

Your Highness,

I have a question for which I would very much like your help.  You may not share my concern, but please try to take me seriously.

As a strict vegetarian, I would like to avoid brews that contain gelatin and fish bladder. That's easy enough as a homebrewer, but how can I know which commercial beers to avoid? I have been told this is mainly a matter of English pale ales. Do you have any more exact information?  I would rather not avoid all English beers as they are among the tastiest. (Yes, I have heard these products are all but filtered out.)

Your humble servant,
Jamie Massey

Dear Grazer,

Just because you've got something against macerated swim bladders or pig gelatin in your beer, don't come crying to me. After all, my daddy was a pure-bred cattle rancher. That's right. He made his living raising cute little steers whose only future was to become the juicy, bloody, rare tenderloin charring on my grill. (He was also extremely lucky in the awl bidness, which explains my high station in life, but that's another story.) 

However, I'm not one to ridicule another's beliefs, no matter how coo-coo they might be. I'm a professional.  You asked a question, and I will answer it.  I even went to two of the highest ranking brewing brains in the industry to get their opinion. Bottom line is if you buy a beer (even an English beer) from a brewery, all the finings will be filtered out.  American mega breweries don't even use the stuff any more, so you're safe swilling all the Budmillercoors you want.  Stay away from all micro/pub brewed beers, and all cask-conditioned ale as you will just about be guaranteed to find some finings hanging around.  The choice is yours, tasty beers with finings or not...

My Queen,

There are two questions about beer which have been keeping me up at night, and I thought you might be able to answer them.  Why are there six beers in a 6-pack? And, is a Dopplebock double the strength of a bock?

N. O. Doze

Dear NO,

Gees, fellow, you don't have much on your mind, do you?  There are six beers in a 6-pack, because if you had seven beers, it would be called a 7-pack and would look funny.

Actually, the decision was made back in the 30s by the big brewers.  They figured that six bottles of beer were the most a person would be interested in toting home.  And to think of all the kegs I've brought home! Would those brewers have been surprised!

As for the dopplebock, no, they are not twice the strength of a bock.  They are strong, however, and must, by German law, be at least 7.5% alcohol by volume.  The dopplebocks traditionally end in "ator" and some of them are really rocket fuel. Kulminator, for instance, is 13.2% by volume. Yahoo! Maybe that's what you need to have a couple of before retiring so that you don't stay up worrying about anymore stupid stuff.

Reprinted with permission from The Southwest Brewing News, where you can read a new Queen Column every month!